No boundaries, no good: toxic workplace dynamics to avoid

My 12 year old gets into trouble for talking in class.

In seventh grade, it’s forbidden to pass notes or to talk while the teacher’s talking.

But it’s common in some workplaces for colleagues to chat behind each others’ backs during meetings or presentations.

Senior professionals act like teenagers, using office chat software to eviscerate whomever is speaking under the guise of taking notes.

Boundary violations, such as chatting behind colleagues’ backs during meetings, are a red flag of a toxic workplace.

Trust matters

Clear boundaries are crucial for building and maintaining trust.

Toxic workplaces destroy trust and create and employ unhappy people, whose behavior reinforces their unhappiness.

Because ‘everybody’s doing it’ in these environments, it can be difficult to recognize how counterproductive and harmful boundary-breaking behaviors are.

Here are four common boundary violations to look for in your workplace.

If you spot them, you probably can’t change them.

Decide for yourself if this behavior is acceptable to you.

If it’s not, it may be time to move to a more thoughtful organization.

1) Chatting during meetings
If your team is constantly using Skype, Teams, or Slack to communicate, and if it’s common for colleagues to ‘take notes’ on their laptops during meetings, beware.

These combined behaviors can indicate that colleagues are chatting behind each others’ backs while they talk to each others’ faces.

If everyone present is typing away while a presenter’s speaking, it’s likely that criticism and commentary about the presentation are underway.

This behavior does not create a healthy meeting.

More broadly, it destabilizes the work environment.

Look for organizations where colleagues take notes by hand and eschew their screens during meetings.

Even when meeting online, people should be focused on the presenter and attentive to his or her message, and not be absorbed in their own devices nor involved in side conversations.

Paying attention and taking notes by hand has at least two benefits: it makes meetings far less toxic, and it makes them far more productive.

2) Checking in from vacation
“The graveyard is full of indispensable people,” an old saying goes, and this is true for vacation destinations, too.

If you or your colleagues consistently feel it necessary to check in / be available during vacation, there are boundary violations at work.

Your absence while on leave may not be a brutal loss to the team – they may, in fact, enjoy the time when you’re away to savor a different dynamic.

Junior colleagues may enjoy their autonomy while you’re gone, or they might get to flex new muscles doing your tasks until you return.

This might be why you want to check in – what if people are glad I’m gone? you may say. Or – what if they need me to get things done?

If they’re glad you’re gone, that’s good information for you. Your hovering over them won’t change it.

If they can’t get anything done without you, that’s also good information for you. Improve your systems and develop your staff so that folks can cover for each other.

Learn from, but do not follow, your impulse (or anyone else’s) to check in while on vacation.

3) Contacting colleagues outside of work time
Does your boss text you late at night?

Do you call other colleagues over the weekend to complain about work?

These aren’t healthy behaviors. The boundary between work and free time should be clear.

If you are expected to be available via text or chat at all hours, it might make you feel important, but consider what it does to the balance in your life.

How do your loved ones react to your texting or messaging colleagues after dinner or on weekends?

How would you feel if your children’s teachers or coaches did this?

4) Drinking / partying together and workplace affairs
Pre-pandemic, it was pretty common for colleagues to drink or party together, and to have workplace affairs.

Research shows that up to 80% of affairs start in the workplace; more than half of respondents in a Vault.com study had had workplace affairs, and 74% would do it again. Some employers even seem to encourage it.

A workplace that discourages healthy boundaries will often host ’employee-only’ happy hours.

A workplace that encourages balance will invite partners or families to social events.

A natural consequence of behaviors like gossiping together, partying together, chatting or texting all the time, and staying in constant contact, even on vacation, is the workplace affair.

Perhaps you work to support your family, but your behavior at work could destroy your family.

Is it worth it?

Be very careful about boundaries in the workplace.

Good boundaries are crucial for maintaining sanity, avoiding drama, and for getting the best work done.